Have you ever almost been decapitated on your way to yoga class and saved by Bill Clinton? Yeah, I didn’t think so, it was a first for me too.

This unique trip started by driving 3 hours from my grandmothers house in Sayre, PA to Philadelphia to catch a plain to Orange County, CA to visit my parents. In the Philly airport I got an Iced Mocha which I had no expectations for besides drinkable caffeine, little to my surprise Quaker Coffee made me one of the best iced mocha’s I’ve ever had. This coffee was so good it was like a delicious experience, so much so I took a picture or it, along with my trusty traveling Sea World Back Pack and my trusty cell phone. I’m not sure how burnt tasting Starbucks has popped up across the country instead of this place.

So, when visiting my parents especially on short trips my mother likes to pack in as much fun as possible. On this trip she was set on the idea of going to the Beachcomber Cafe at Crystal Cove State Beach – Newport Beach, California, I mean dead set excited. She had heard so much about it and the thought of bungalows on the beach for rent and a restaurant on the beach is pretty much her dream. This place isn’t exactly easy to get to, you start by parking in a big parking lot where you can see no sign of bungalows or a restaurant. At this point my dad and I though my mother was nuts. You then go for a hike which takes you through a dingy tunnel (ie. storm drain), we really thought my mother was nuts at this point and it was windy and chilly and my dad and I kept trying to back out, neither of us wanted to be cold or hiking. So, we hiked some more, mom always wins. We then happen upon the hidden bungalows and restaurant this thrilled my mom and we ate lunch on the cold windy beach in January and froze our asses off. After lunch we then hiked back through the tunnel to the car. See the pictures below of both the dingy tunnel and us freezing our asses off while trying to order lunch. At the time I was not a happy camper, looking back on it all I can do is laugh.

Next on the agenda Yoga with Steve Ross up in Los Angeles and then a visit to Mike and Marlene’s in San Fernando Valley to drop off Christmas gifts. Why a two hour drive for yoga you may ask? Especially in CA where there are yoga studio everywhere … well it’s not just yoga, it’s yoga with Steve Ross! Totally Different! Steve is an incredibly fun non-serious person who can make you laugh while standing on your head and blasting rap music, not your typical yoga.

So, we’re driving on the 405 which is fun enough as is and then all of a sudden this loud noise that sounds like a small explosion! INSTANT SIMULTANEOUS FREAK OUT BETWEEN MY MOM, DAD and I! My first thought, since we’re in LA, did someone just shoot at us?
My mom, “What just happened? Is Everyone OK?”
Me, “I don’t know, I’m covered in glass, pull over!”

Yes, I’m covered in shattered glass, I look behind me and the back window is shattered, I’m not hurt but confused. We pull over and I hand the little dog Marley to my dad in the front passenger seat since I was covered in glass. Since we’re on the 405 my mom can’t open her door on the drivers side, my dad can’t get out cause he’s holding the dog, so I get out to examine what the fuck just happened. I get out and see the biggest hook and chain I’ve ever seen attached to the under side of the car. A big tow hook about the size of my forearm and a thick 20 foot chain. By this time my mom has already called the cops who arrive in about 30 seconds. How did they arrive so fast? Well the cop was out looking for the chain, they had already received numerous calls about it being on the road we just happened to get to it first. We pull off the 405 with the cop so he can take a statement and fill out a report at which point we all have a chance to really look at the damage. The hook hit the window and took a chunk out of the back door then swung under the car and took a chunk out of the axle. So, how did Bill Clinton save my life? Well my mom’s love for Clinton and frustration with Bush after 6 years made her put a bumper sticker on her car that said “I miss Bill”. This bumper sticker was placed on the rear window directly behind my head exactly where the hook hit the car. The entire window shattered but the bumper sticker stayed in tact. The cop said the car was safe to drive we just needed to get it looked at ASAP.

So, what do you do after your almost decapitated, you get your ass to Yoga class to chill out! My dad thought my mom and I were nuts for still wanting to continue the drive to yoga, he was freaked and just wanted to go home. Yoga was great and worth it! We then drove another hour to San Fernando to visit our family friends. Then on the 3 hour drive home we are almost home and we here another load noise … we all jump … a fucking car right in front of us blew a tire and it flew everywhere. Dude, by the time we got back to the house we were all ready to be off the road. The next day when they took the car to the shop and got the rental car, they were told we were lucky to have made it home. Turns out that significant chunk of metal that was taken out of the axle should have actually caused the axle to break underneath us while driving. We shouldn’t have drove on it at all … woops!

The next day my parents drove me to the airport to fly back to Philly. While I was waiting for my plain my parents called me … on their drive home there was a truck in front of them on the freeway … lol … the trucks bed liner flew out of the fucking truck on over their rental car. I mean seriously, it was like a miny movie vacation trying to escape death. By that time all any of us could do was shake our heads and laugh at how ridiculous everything was.